ill begin with, i realize this is a terrible photograph. i include it for it's relevance to my travels and the reasons behind which it is not a good photo.
i had a feeling about this place. clearly i don't have to get into any history here. if you don't know much about the Sistine chapel it's easy enough to look it up. but, i feel it's common knowledge concerning it's existence, especially the ceiling.
now briefly, Michelangelo was commissioned to paint the ceiling when he was 33, he wasn't a painter he was a sculptor. ahem... when he was commissioned to do the front wall, "the last judgement" he was near 60 and so respected by the catholic church he was able to include some serious diverse elements. look it up if you don't know the background. it's a compelling story.
continuing on, i had a feeling about the moving effect that this would bring about, but i had no real clue as to what that would feel like and why.
and we enter.
and i cry.
and i can barely catch my breathe.
and it is literally breathtaking.
this room is full of frescoes, architecture and decorations by thee finest Renaissance artists and i am overcome with emotion. and i must add that i am most taken by the last judgement.
the shear beauty and unimaginable talent that i am surrounded by. i can barely breathe and tears fall from my eyes.
and it's not just the art. it's the accumulation of it all. it's my life, it's what i've done for myself. it's the trip and all it symbolizes.
i am here completely alone.
i have made this trip happen by myself.
i am not lonely.
many people i know have traveled to Italy. many have lived there.
i'm not the first on this voyage or any for that matter, but for me this is all symbolic.
i am alone & i don't mean that to sound bad, but it is the case.
i am single and a homeowner and a hard worker and a solid member of AA.
i have pets, i have cars, i have responsibilities to myself and these things. and i do
it alone. and by alone i mean...
when the house needs to be cleaned, i do it. when the bills need to be paid, i do it. when the car needs to be fixed, i do it. when i need to be fixed, i do it. i show up for life. i show up for my friends. i show up when i don't want to and for all of this i am grateful.
and here i stand in this greatness and i cry because i can. because i let myself feel these feelings, sometimes good, sometimes bad but always mine and to feel them is human.
and i don't need anyone to help me in this way. it would be nice but i am capable. i always have been (friends and emotional support aside because that helps me through all of this.) i have been on my own for so long now and have never received help. i don't come from much but i come from a really hardworking mother who did it on her own for us. this example provided me with the knowledge that all is possible. forever grateful to my mom for the things she doesn't even realize that she gave me- courage, independence, perseverance.
and i was moved to tears by it all.
and so it goes, i took a bad photo and for this reason; pilgrims are not supposed to take photos of this space, but everyone in there is taking pictures. and while i didn't want to compromise my experience here, i also wanted to take a picture (it is what i DO) and so without adjusting my settings and such, i took a quick shot. much akin to my tear filled eyes i got a blurry vision and so i choose to share this image which i kind of love.